Five Times Thranduil Got the Shovel Talk & One Time He Didn't
by Words of Heresy
Summary: Just a lot of shovel talk - (Thorin/ Thranduil)


Written for this HKM prompt :)

Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt: I don't know if this has been prompted but I've seen a lot of prompts where Thranduil's on the receiving end of the Shovel Talk. I'd love to see the reverse of that. It could be Legolas, Tauriel, Elrond, Galadriel, Gandalf, anyone else who cares about him (maybe 5+1 story). I prefer Thranduil/Thorin but I'm not picky. I just want to see a spectacularly terrifying Shovel Talk on Thranduil's behalf. Good Thranduil please.

* * *

When Thorin King under the Mountain wedded the King of Mirkwood Thranduil, all present expressed their joy and excitement at the prosperous joining of two kingdoms. Balin as the best man, preformed a heartfelt toast on their behalf. Dori and Nori, forged intricate beading, from tiny fertility crystals to drape ceremonially over the marriage bed. Dwalin mined an extension through the king's quarters, large enough for a cozy winter garden. Going so far as to open a sizeable window to the east, so the plants could thrive under the mountain. Fili and Kili preformed a duet of hilarious, raunchy songs and anecdotes to the delight of the whole party. Oin and Gloi presented the Kings with matching sword sheath, decorated with an intricate pattern of symbols that Thorin explained to Thranduil, signified in ancient dwarfish their eternal love for one another. Bilbo gave Thorin a new pipe, one that he whittled himself, under the guiding hand of his partner Bofur, and the other brothers presented the Elvenking with two ancient Kazdul encyclopedias. Since neither was certain the elf had any idea of how to look after a dwarrow spouse.

1.

"Your highness," piped a youthful voice, "excuse me, your highness."

Thranduil turned around to look for the owner of the voice. A young dwarf with a pudding haircut and a beard divided into two braids, stared up at him with a comical frown.

"Master Dwarf?"

"My name is Ori. I was one of the dwarfs with Thorin…"

"I remember," interrupted the amused elf.

"I…I just wanted to say, that on behalf of myself and my brother's, if you were to ever bring harm to our king we…we…"

"Well go on then, say what you have to say," smiled the elf, enjoying the young dwarfs fidgeting. Ori had long since given up looking him in the eyes and was now immersed in watching his shuffling feet.

"...we…"

"Well," sighed the elf, growing impatient.

"We will kill you," Ori deadpanned, all trace of hesitance and fear gone from his voice. His eyes came up to meet with the elf's and the fire burning in the chocolate depth was rather vicious. Thranduil blinked.

"Goodnight your highness," Ori said, back to the kindred voice of innocent youth. Then he spun around and walked away from the startled king. Thranduil lifted hand to rub tiredly at his eyes.

"Dwarfs," he sighed.

2.

Thorin was in the kitchen talking to his sister when Thranduil came upon them. Quietly he approached his husband and wrapped both arms around the dwarf's neck from behind, bending to place a soft kiss to the crown of bushy, dark hair.

"My heart," Thorin smiled and lifted one of his husband's hands to place a kiss on the inside of the wrist.

"_Meleth_-_nin_" smiled the elf.

They might have continued had not a young dwarf chose that exact moment to interrupt them.

"You majesty!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, what is it?" growled the dwarf, hating to be interrupted.

"The young prince Kili and the prince of Mirkwood, shot arrows into one of the forging machines, and clogged the gears. If we don't extract it right away the core will over heat and cause a cave in!"

Sighing the dwarf king reluctantly pulled away from the soothing hold around him. He left with a promising kiss to the elf's lips.

"We will continue this later," he swore.

"Yes we will," agreed Thranduil, "now go save the day." He smirked playfully at his dwarf and gave a teasing tug to the beard. Thorin growled, but was hurried away by the fretful dwarrow.

"He loves you," spoke Dis, as soon as her brother's growling tapered off down the hall.

"I know," said the elf, "but not nearly as much as I love him."

"Don't kid yourself Elvenking. Dwarfs only love once and you've been married before. A few times I'd imagine."

"And I have loved every one of my spouses," clarified the king.

"I'm sure," she drawled, not sounding at all convinced. "My brother is very special to me your highness," she used the title with a mocking lilt, as if to show how little she thought of him to begin with. Thranduil frowned.

"There is very little I wouldn't do for him," she lowered her voice to harbor a fierce note. She left to retrieve a lamb from the cool room. Thranduil watched her pull free a wicked looking cleaver from the knife rack and begin methodically chopping at the carcass with hard, precise swings. She stopped to wipe off her brow with the back of one hand before turning to give him another meaningful look.

"I hope you and my brother are very happy together your highness," _for your sake_, remained unspoken. If anyone saw Thranduil high tail it from the kitchen, they knew better than to speak of it.

3.

Thranduil decided to start on the winter garden in early autumn, hoping the seedlings will catch enough sunlight before the coming of winter to take a strong hold on life and last through the season. Unfortunately doing so in time required him to work along side Dwalin who was still in the process of putting the final touches on the room and installing a greenhouse window.

This arrangement, however odd, worked well with the Elvenking. Since shortly after it began, he found Dwalin to be both blessedly quiet and strangely restrained for a dwarf. In fact he made no noise at all, except for when he was forging or cutting the glass to make an even fit. Thranduil found, after a few days, that he was growing rather fond of the dwarf. His reserved nature called for a gentleness in him.

It was on day five that Dwalin finally spoke. He was finishing off sealing the window to the stone when suddenly he paused in his work and turned around to face Thranduil. The elf was kneeling not far away, planting seedlings into a soft flowerbed.

"Elvenking,"

The elf startled at the unexpected address. Composing himself, he patted down the last seedling and smiled at the dwarf.

"Yes?"

"I just want to say, now that you're part of the family an' all. If a thought ever strikes you to mistreat my little cousin, just remember I won't hesitate to skin that elk of yours to fill the pantry."

"What?" For surely he must have misheard

"You heard me," Dwalin growled and began filled another crack in the rock.

4.

It wasn't often that mithradir came to visit the lonely mountain. In fact the last time he came by was shortly before the royal engagement, to check on Bilbo with whom he was very good friends and to inform the king of the recent activities of neighboring orc packs. This time he arrived for the wedding of Bilbo and Bofur, with several gifts from Elrond and the Shire.

The Wedding wasn't set to begin until the sun dipped into the mountain, so the guests were free to mingle among themselves and enjoy the splendor of Erebor and its immense wealth. It was in the library, surrounded by mountains of dwarfish and elven text that Thranduil found mithradir on that particular evening.

"Mithrandir," he called, smiling when the elderly man acknowledged him.

"Thranduil,"

"It has been too long my friend,"

"Indeed," he agreed, lowering a dusty tomb to the table. "I believe congratulations are in order."

"Yes, Thorin and I were wedded the previous fall."

"And how goes it?" he asked.

"I dare say, far better than either of us imagined."

"Ah," exclaimed the wizard, "but how do you know?"

"What do you mean?" Thranduil was beyond confused by this question.

"How do you know Thorin is as happy in this marriage as you are my King?"

"I know my own husband Gandalf," said the elf. Irate at the thinly veiled accusation that he wasn't treating his lover well.

"I meant nothing by it," the wizard waved dismissively, "only that Thorin has been through allot in his life. He has suffered hardships you can only imagine and underwent trials the dwarfs will immortalize in their books as most uncommon acts of bravery and valor. Still he has lost a lot and made many a scarifies to get where he is today, and I just want to make sure he is well taken care of." The wizard finished his spiel with a stern, calculating glare. He held it until Thranduil felt mollified enough to look away.

"I do believe, your majesty that we should begin to make our way into the great hall. For you see Master Baggins doesn't approve of lateness, he always likes to be just in time."

5.

"What relationship do you have with Tauriel?"

Thranduil looked to the side. The dwarf prince Kili was standing not far off to the left of him setting up his own archery station for training.

"She's the head of my guard," he replied plainly and released another arrow, hitting the target with practiced ease.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Kili," sighed the exasperated elf, "now if you will please excuse me. I came here to shoot, not answer inane questions," the elf drawled. His patience running low with the dwarrow youth. He had such bad influence on his son.

"So then why've I heard rumors that you once shared quarters together?" Kili pressed on tenaciously.

"Who told you…?"

"It doesn't matter," interrupted the prince. He turned and smiled at Thranduil's obvious discomfort. "So is it true?"

"It was a long time ago," stressed the elf.

"I see," Kili drew an arrow from his bag and shot dead center. The resonating clang from the target wheel sent chills down Thranduil's back.

"Please don't tell Thorin, it will," Thranduil shot another shifty look at the wheel, "unsettle him."

"Indeed," agreed the youth and proceeded to draw another arrow. "No you will tell him," he said taking careful aim, "and believe me I'll know if you hadn't."

Kili blew a curl out of his eye. "If I ever see you so much as sniff around Tauriel or anyone else for that matter, I promise you I will play cupid." He released the arrow and it struck the back of the first, cutting the quarrel in half, "for you and your unfortunate partner."

"Kili!" The prince spun around in the direction of the voice and waved to his brother across the field. Turning he shot a dangerous smirk at the Elvenking. "Always nice chatting with my favorite elf," he said over his shoulder at the stupefied king, "I'll see you at dinner uncle!" and he was gone.

Thranduil couldn't sink a single arrow that day, his mind over run with thoughts of his adoptive nephew and how best to tell Thorin about his affair with Tauriel, without being castrated in his sleep.

1.

"Legolas," Thorin waved to his adoptive son, "what are you doing out here so early?"

"I came for a swim, while the valley is still quiet," said the elf and made a motion to rise that had Thorin quickly spinning around.

"I'm dressed," he said after some time and Thorin gratefully turned back to look at him with a smile.

"A messenger told me you wished to speak with me," he said, taking a seat on a nearby bolder and watching the blonde take a seat across from him.

"Yes, I wanted to again congratulate you on your marriage," the elf said kindly.

"Thank you," nodded the dwarf.

"Being his only child, I have often seen my father struggle with loneliness." Legolas plucked a daisy from the earth. "After my mother's passing he spent centuries devoting all his attention to me, never committing to any one person for very long. I treasured his doting parenting, yet even so I grew up noticing how isolated he really was."

Thorin nodded in understanding and gazed compassionately at the blonde elf.

"Over time I came to see the selflessness behind my father's actions and since then made it my goal to find him a suitable partner. As you know there have been a few marriages, but none that inspired even a third of the passion of his love for you."

Thorin was ready to interrupt, but paused at one pointed look from Legolas.

"Father was never in any danger of getting hurt, for as much as he loved his past paramours it is my strong believe that he was never _in love_ with any of them," he paused and let the plucked petals rain down from his hand, "not even my mother."

"I'm sure…"

Legolas held up a hand to cut him off.

"That's why I feel it is my duty to instill the fear of Vallar in you, Thorin son of Thrain," the prince fixed him with a glare, "for to me my father's happiness far outweighs my own and I will not hesitate to cut down anyone who threatens it, even at the cost of my own life."

"I would never," hushed the dwarf at the look he was getting from the elf.

"Good," Legolas stated plainly and rose to leave, "then we have an understanding." He wiped his hands on the front of his tunic and started for the mountain, disappearing among the trees as if he was not but a ghost. Thorin shook at the cool sensation and realised he'd broken out in a sweat. He continued to sit there in silent contemplation for a long while. When he rose, he heard a vague, melodic tone reach him from beyond the woods. It drifted forth like a shadow, over the clap of the leaves and the whistle of wind through the brunches.

_"Welcome to the family, King under the Mountain."_

* * *

**R&R**


End file.
